8.

This is an old post from the blog that I have laid to rest. It was written after I attended a Salman Rushdie lecture on Adaptation. I thought I should come back to it. It was an email written to my most loved one.

...Back to our point of how what gets you and I going individually seems to be these endless tunnels with tiny lights at certain points, but for some reason we keep wandering about (and I can only speak for me here): I think that what makes a lot of this stuff so great is that the truths that we stumble upon in our 'studies' are truths that we have known in our lives and have always been on the cusp of naming (consciously or otherwise). It's like tonight, Salman was connecting literature and humanity, and by this ability I was blown away and envious. I want to do that...I want to train my brain to get big, be free and not rigid, to guide itself to epiphany after epiphany as I cultivate it with stories and studies. There was also something comfortable about everything he was saying towards the end though, and I think this is because I have known this habit of adapting by some other name at some other time in my life. I think it is this; the connection to humanity, to emotions, to the 'essence' of life, that keeps me wandering because I am (or feel at least) always almost there. It, like my mother's perfume, C's dumb jokes, and the sound of you singing a new tune, wandering, in some strange way, feels like home.

That is what rules about loving what you study and studying you love and I certainly hope that I get into graduate school.

How dreamy I was back then!!!

I guess that, as I have said before, it is hard to remember that I am studying what I love. I am though. I am studying what I am most fascinated with and passionate about. I have lost the steady stream of idealism and inspiration that I had before entering into this year program, but I still get jolts of creative energy. Jolts of desires to reflect. About 5/10 times I actually give those jolts of inspiration the attention they deserve. That is when I write in my journal, write a lovey a letter, or do some drawing, printing, sewing, wood carving, etc.

This year, it seems, that time moves faster than ever though and I am constantly tripping over my own feet in a hope to catch up to it's pace!