that is one reason why i haven't been updating. i've been thinking, oh lordy, i've been pondering a lot – about too many things. if i had a nickel for every post i've started but haven't finished in the past week i'd have enough for the bus fare at least. i have only three more papers, two presentations, one spanish language exam, and one defense to go before i get this degree. man o' man i finished this major paper today and it felt good. it felt real.
so many times in the past few years i felt like i was not allowed to cross into the realm of academia, like it wasn't my territory, or like somehow i wasn't accepted as an intellectual creature (a cute and small creature, yes. one who reads, makes things with her hands, is curious about the world, but not an intellectual...certainly not an academic), but dear world here it is. all thirty pages are mine and they are surprisingly well written, founded in research spanning five different fields of study, and i am going to defend this piece to a committee of professors and my peers. i mean, dang. i guess it doesn't get more legit than that. hello world, it's me - courtney the academic. i can play the game and learn the ropes and dance the dance or whatever...and i think i did alright. i think i could've done it all along.
right now though i really just want to be done, so i can go back to being the courtney who makes things with her hands, moves a little slower than the rest of the world, sweats outside, and hikes up big mountains. soon, soon, soon.
you can be my academic any day of the week. i know you have it in you! then we'll drink some beers. congrats ! love you ! see you soon ! xx.
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